Reaching A Limit
by jaybullette7
Summary: " "You know I love you. But I can't do this anymore. You need to choose." Santana spoke softly, staring deep into Rachel's eyes. "
1. Chapter 1

"Mmm... Rach wait." Santana mumbled into Rachel's lips. She had come over Rachel's house after school and was jumped the moment she entered the door. Not that she was complaining. She just wanted to spend a little time with her girl.

"No..." Rachel said back, nipping at Santana's neck with a smirk. Spurred on by the breathy moan it caused.

Both girls were brought out of their moment of passion by the ringing of a phone. Rachel pulled back, recognizing the ringtone, and grabbed her phone from her pocket.

Santana frowned when she realized Rachel was going to answer it. Placing a quick kiss on Santana's lips, Rachel answered the phone and walked to the living room, leaving a confused Santana in the front doorway.

"Hey sweetheart." Rachel said into her phone.

Santana's confused frown disappeared and was replaced by a deep scowl. Sighing deeply, she followed Rachel into the living room and sat on the couch.

"No I'm not busy right now. We can talk." Rachel said into her phone's mouth piece, silently mouthing a "sorry babe" to Santana.

The Latina scoffed before rolling her eyes and sitting back in her seat with a huff, even if it only was to keep from crying.

Pulling out her phone, Santana typed a quick message before sending it.

To: Q-bie  
She's doing it again :/

From: Q-bie  
I'm sorry S :(

Rachel watched Santana type away on her phone with her lip caught between her teeth. She knew the Latina was probably talking about her. Rachel sighed and immediately wished she hadn't.

"Rachel are you alright?" She heard the person on the other line say.

"Yes Finn. I assure you I am fine." Rachel said into her phone, ignoring the way Santana's eyes snapped to her.

To: Q  
I don't know how much more of this I can take...


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel walked down the hallway with a purpose. And that purpose was to figure out what was wrong with her secret girlfriend.

She hadn't heard from Santana since her abrupt departure from her house last night. Rachel felt like something was wrong and when Santana didn't respond to her goodnight text it only further solidified it in her mind.

Rachel stopped at her locker to put her things away when she noticed Quinn.

"Quinn!" Rachel shouted towards the pink haired girl, rushing to organize the items in her locker before shutting it.

Quinn sighed internally before turning around and facing the short brunette.

"What do you want hobbit?" Quinn asked, knowing more or less where this conversation was going.

Rachel stepped towards her tentatively. She looked both ways in the hall, making sure nobody was there before speaking again.

"Have you seen or talked to Santana lately?" Rachel whispered conspiratorially.

Quinn could feel the anger swelling in her chest but willed herself to stay calm. She sighed deeply and tried not to let the rage show through her hazel eyes.

"No Rachel, I haven't talked to my best friend since she called me crying last night. No Rachel, I haven't seen my best friend since she cried herself to fucking sleep on my shoulder last night! So no Rachel I haven't fucking seen or talked to Santana lately!" Quinn said angrily. Temper and voice rising with every word.

Rachel took a few steps back to put some distance between Quinn and herself. She felt her heart drop and stomach churn with guilt when Quinn said Santana called her crying.

"W-what's wrong with her? Is she sick?" Rachel uncharacteristically stammered.

Quinn raised a mocking eyebrow.

"Is she sick? I don't know Rachel, wouldn't you be sick of being someone's dirty little secret too?" Quinn said sarcastically. Clearly showing her distaste for Rachel.

Rachel felt tears threatening to spill out her wide brown eyes. She shook her head rapidly to try and stop them.

"Quinn you don't understand the situation! You don't know what's going on!" Rachel defended herself.

Quinn laughed mockingly. Startling Rachel even further.

"That's where you're wrong Berry! I know exactly what the fuck is going on! You're scared. Aren't you? Scared that you'll come out with Santana and she'll realize that she no longer wants you and then you'll be a lonely little GayBerry. Right? You're a fucking coward! If you think for one second that Finn will love you, even a fraction of how much Santana loves you, then you are the biggest idiot I have ever had the displeasure of speaking too! And I've had the displeasure of speaking to Finn AND Puck." Quinn sneered, nose to nose with Rachel now.

Rachel stared at Quinn with a deer caught in headlights expression. She had no idea what to say. The fact that Quinn was right only made her throat tighter. Making it damn near impossible to speak.

"The way I see it Berry, you have one of two options. You ditch the Jolly Green Giant and jump on the Bitch Town Express to Happyville with Tana. Or you lose the best thing that's ever happened to you and keep whatever ridiculous safety you think you have with Finn. All I know is. Time. Is. A. Ticking!" Quinn stated seriously, punctuating her last few words with jabs at Rachel's shoulder.

Quinn waited for a second to see if Rachel would respond and when she didn't she shoulder checked the shorter brunette and walked down the hall to find Tina.

Quinn knew she was kind of hard on Rachel but Santana was her best friend and she wasn't about to stand by and let her get continuously hurt.

Rachel just stared blankly at the spot where Quinn was standing. Everything Quinn said was surprisingly accurate.

She was scared. Her love for Santana frightened her at times. She never thought she could love someone as irrevocably as she loves Santana. She would give up Broadway for her. That's probably what scared her the most. Giving up her lifelong dreams for someone else.

Rachel wiped the tears from her face and straightened her shoulders. Putting on her show smile, she walked towards her first class.


	3. Chapter 3

"You've got your show smile on. What's wrong?" Kurt questioned, while Sugar nodded her agreement.

The three friends were sitting in the quad for lunch when Kurt noticed Rachel's smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Yeah you look a lil down. It's kinda depressin' me." Sugar said jokingly.

Rachel shook her head lightly. Dismissing them with a wave of her hand.

"I am perfectly fine. Just had a bit of a rough morning but I'm sure everything will be fine later on." Rachel said.

"Oh really? So it has nothing to do with the verbal bitch slap Quinn gave you in the hall this morning?" Sugar deadpanned.

Her eyes widened comically when she realized she had said that out loud and her friends were in fact staring at her incredulously.

"Sorry. Aspergers." Sugar smiled sheepishly.

Kurt rolled his eyes, knowing full well Sugar didn't have Aspergers.

He pushed Rachel's shoulder lightly to get her attention, unknowingly poking the same spot Quinn had that morning.

He frowned when she winced and brought her hand up to rub the spot absentmindedly.

"Well? What happened this morning?" Kurt asked, feeling left out of the loop.

"Quinn decided to make her opinion known about her feelings towards me and the situation with Santana." Rachel sniffed, folding her hands into her lap.

"Oh please. That's not what that was! Quinn told you the truth and you didn't like it. Everything she said was right. What you're doing to Santana is wrong." Sugar stated, popping a grape in her mouth.

Rachel glared at Sugar while Kurt shook his head. He didn't agree with what Rachel was doing but between the talks Mike, Sugar and occasionally Puck gave, no one could get the stubborn diva to see the error of her ways.

"Well you're one to talk Sugar! What you and Brittany are doing to Artie is wrong too! You're helping Brittany cheat!" Rachel snapped, pointing a finger accusingly at a bewildered Sugar.

"Excuse me? What the actual fuck are you talking about! Just because you're cheating on you're 'boyfriend' doesn't mean everyone else is too! I'm not sleeping with Brittany! She is my friend. That's it." Sugar snapped, chest heaving and face flushed with anger.

Kurt just watched the two silently. He had gotten in between one of their arguments before and promptly had to duck from the flying projectiles aimed in his direction. He wasn't about to let history repeat itself.

"Oh really? So you mean to tell me that your little sleepovers are completely platonic? Please Sugar give it a rest already! Brittany doesn't want you! Otherwise she would have chosen you instead of Artie!" Rachel spat.

Sugar felt tears spring to her eyes as Rachel finished speaking. Kurt noticed too and realized that maybe he should have stepped in after all, flying projectiles be damned.

"You know what Rachel? Fuck you. You can throw Brittany and Artie in my face all you want. But I know, in my heart, that she loves me and we will be together one day. I can't say the same for you though. I hope Santana leaves you. So you can realize what a DUMBASS you're being. You don't fucking deserve her!" Sugar hissed, grabbing her tray and storming away from the table.

Rachel watched as the tiny girl pushed through the double doors before turning to look at Kurt helplessly, while he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't look at me like that. You did that all on your own sweetie. Even I think what you said was harsh and uncalled for." Kurt said calmly, getting up from his seat and patting Rachel's shoulder sympathetically as he too left.

Rachel pushed her tray away, disgusted with herself and buried her face in her arms. She hadn't meant to snap at Sugar the way she did but once she started speaking her words wouldn't stop. Of course she knew Sugar and Brittany weren't sleeping together, but it made her feel less guilty about her own situation if she could say that they were.

She could feel her lower lip trembling as she thought about what a shitty day she was having.

"Hey Rach, you okay?" She heard Santana say, she felt a hand cover her own and immediately slapped it away.

Santana recoiled her reddening hand to her chest. Hurt flashing across her eyes as her forehead scrunched in confusion.

"What are you doing Santana! People could have saw you!" Rachel hissed.

She gulped however when she saw Santana's face harden. She watched as the woman she loved crossed her arms defensively over her chest and glared at her.

"Excuse me for showing my girlfriend some fucking compassion. Would you prefer if I acted like Finn and pretended nothing was wrong when clearly something is?" Santana snapped.

"Can you not do this right now? Not in the middle of the quad where all these people are watching." Rachel hissed back, staring passed Santana's shoulder at the few people left scattered around them.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody is even looking at us! What the hell is it with you and your 'Everybody is watching me' complex?" Santana said harshly.

"Look can you just drop it San. Please, for me?" Rachel said, watching as Santana sighed and uncrossed her arms.

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. Rachel got up from her seat and shouldered her bag, prepared to leave the quad without so much as a goodbye or second glance at Santana, when she felt and saw a tanned hand encircle her wrist.

"Look I think we need to talk Rachel." Santana said calmly.

"Can it wait? Class is going to start in 7 minutes Santana and I don't want to be late." Rachel said exasperated.

"No it can't fucking wait! Rachel I am so sick and tired of you putting me on the back burner! Ever since school started you've been pushing me away! It's always 'Later Santana, not now' or 'I'm busy Santana lets talk later' when is it gunna be my fucking turn! You put everyone before me and I'm tired of it!" Santana cried in anguish, tears clouding her brown eyes.

Rachel opened her mouth to speak when a finger in her face halted her.

"No you don't get to speak! I've held my silence long enough. You're going to listen and your not going to pout to make me give in or kiss me to shut me up!" Santana hissed, watching as Rachel's face flushed with embarrassment.

"Did you think I didn't notice? How you're only using me for sex now? Just like everyone says!" Santana choked out, tears flowing freely now.

She watched as Rachel shook her head rapidly.

"Baby please don't say that! You know I'm not using you for sex Santana! I love you! It's just we can't be together the way we were this summer! Everything was easier when we were in our bubble where nothing could hurt us but its different now! We have to keep up appearances, it's why I'm with Finn! You have to understand that there is a lot going on right now! With glee and classes starting again and making sure Finn is happy, it's stressf-" Rachel's explanation was cut short when she heard a quiet 'Shut the fuck up'. She swallowed hard but stopped speaking.

"Did you just hear yourself Rachel?" Santana whispered.

Rachel's forehead scrunched in confusion.

"You're telling me that Finn's happiness matters more than mine. Do you know how it feels to watch Tina and Quinn be all cuddly at sleepovers? Or to see Kurt and Mile hold hands without a care in the world? Do you know how it feels to watch all those people and wonder what you did so wrong that you can't be happy like them?" Santana spoke quietly, but the pain in her voice speaking loud and clear.

"Don't you remember when we would have double dates with Sam and Puck in Puck's basement? When we had water gun fights with B and Sugar?" Santana said her voice still quiet.

"We can't have a water fight, it's almost winter Santana." Rachel laughed quietly. She stopped when she realized Santana wasn't laughing with her.

"Stop doing that Rachel. Don't change the subject and act like a few jokes will make me feel better. You're never minding what I'm saying again." Santana spoke, voice hoarse.

"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered back.

"I just want my girlfriend back. I want her to spend time with me and do something that doesn't involve sex. I want her to want to talk to me. I don't want to feel like I'm being the biggest bother in the world when I want a hug. I wish I didn't have to ask for hugs." Santana explained.

Rachel felt her throat closing again. The tears that were forming in her eyes were now falling freely down her cheeks and they showed no sign of stopping. She really fucked up this time. Something told her this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"I don't want to be a burden to you anymore Rachel." Santana whispered again, taking Rachel's hands in her own, ignoring the way Rachel became tense.

"You know I love you. But I can't do this anymore. You need to choose." Santana spoke softly, staring deep into Rachel's eyes.

Rachel shook her head rapidly. She could feel her chest tightening. The tears were flowing more rapidly now. She tried to pull her hands away but Santana held them tighter dragging Rachel closer to her and nodding her head.

"Choose Rachel." Santana whispered, leaning in to kiss Rachel. Putting all her love and passion into that kiss.

Santana pulled away and watched as Rachel kept her eyes closed, dazed and slightly breathless from that kiss. She rubbed Rachel's cheek affectionately. Preparing herself for the decision Rachel was going to make. If it was Finn she was going to remember every detail of Rachel now. Her heart clenched painfully just at the thought.

Rachel's mind was spinning. She loved Santana so much, but she couldn't come out with her. Telling their friends was one thing, but everyone else was terrifying. Finn was safe, Finn was what they expected from her.

Suddenly Quinn's words were drilling their way through her mind and Sugar's comment was making itself heard. She couldn't do this. She couldn't keep Santana a secret forever. Santana deserved to be happy too and she was being selfish.

Santana felt Rachel tense and squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly she wished she hadn't said anything, but she knew she did the right thing. She felt Rachel stroking her cheek.

"Santana open your eyes please." Rachel whispered, she wanted to make this as painless as possible.

"I love you so much Santana. So so much. I don't deserve you. You deserve to be happy and I am so sorry that I haven't been making you happy..." Rachel trailed off, gripping Santana to her tight as Santana's chest started heaving, watching as the Latina's eyes lost hope and glazed with unshed tears.

"But I can't be what you need. Santana I can't come out. I'm so sorry." Rachel whispered, looking into Santana's eyes and tearing up at the heartbroken expression on Santana's face, feeling her heart mirror it.

Rachel winced as she felt her arms drop to her side and shivered when she lost Santana's warmth, immediately wishing the cheerleader was still in her arms.

"Can't or won't?" Santana choked out between her sobs, stepping back and feeling her heart break.

She had hoped that Rachel would choose her, but once again she had put too much hope in the diva and once again she was left broken.

Rachel watched helplessly as Santana left the quad, hearing the Latina trying to keep her sobs quiet. Rachel sat back down feeling light headed and dizzy. She could feel her chest tightening and didn't stop her sobs as they racked her small frame.

Santana ran straight to her car, trying her bet to keep her sobs under control. Ignoring the shouts on her name behind her.

"Santana! Wait, Santana!" Quinn shouted before running after her best friend.

When she reached the Latina, who was about to get in her car, she wrapped her arms around her waist and lifted her into the air to get her to stop moving before she turned the Latina and squeeze her tight.

"Shh San, it's okay. It's gunna be okay." Quinn murmured softly.

"S-s-she chose h-him." Santana choked between sobs and short breaths.

Quinn just squeezed her tighter and shut her eyes tight to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks as she held her best friend while she fell apart.

Quinn heard footsteps behind her and prepared herself to rip whoever it was apart.

She was just about to open her mouth when Brittany came into view. Quinn watched as Brittany's bright blue eyes dimmed and filled with tears. She watched as her blonde best friend wrapped her arms around Santana's back, effectively smashing her in between the two.

Santana reached an arm out and gripped Brittany's hand around her waist while tightening her grip on Quinn.

Brittany and Quinn shared a look over Santana's head. Communicating silently.

They were going to help their best friend through this.

AN: The end. For now.


	4. Authors Note

The sequel to this has been posted. It's called I Don't Know Who I Am Without You. Happy reading.


End file.
